Monday, December 19, 2011

And that's that...

So it's the 19th. Six wake-ups til Christmas people!! Are you ready?? I am for the most part. My baby sister flies in on Thursday, my parents fly in the night after. This will bring a sweet wrap-up to a year that I've actually been able to visit my entire family. I got to see Lisa and Dan in September when Gary took me home on the promised vacation and I get to see my baby sister this Christmas.

I'm trying to avoid the traditional "end of the year" blog post. I've almost always done one but honestly most of my year has been a struggle filled with wonderful times and bad times but mostly private times and I'm not the same girl I was 7 years ago. The days of "Bitchalicious" and me spewing every detail of my life online are over. All that being said, it HAS actually been a good year even given the crap I've dealt with the 3 years prior to that and with 2010 being the most miserable in my entire life, 2011 has been good. It HAS been a struggle. I made the decision to stay with Gary and work HARD on our marriage and it's brought us so close I dare say it's been the best year for our marriage yet and I'm looking forward to see what 2012 brings.

How many of you stuck to your 2011 resolutions? I know I did. I just went back through my Facebook Timeline trying to find my NY resolution post I made but apparently I was so drunk (which I don't remember...which is weird because I don't drink so you'd think I'd remember being drunk)... anyway I digress. For my 2011 resolution I told myself that I was going to tell someone special to me that I loved them at least once every day of the year. No one in particular but SOMEONE in my life who was special to me... for 365 days and I did it. Obviously it didn't start off being the same people it was by the end of the year. My, how life has changed in 12 (long/short) months. I've been thinking about what it's going to be for 2012. I have a few things in mind but I haven't narrowed it down and who knows? I might do more than one!!!

This post has been sitting in my drafts for about a week now. Mostly because I don't know how to bring it to an end. I don't think that 2011 and I have had our closure and I'm not sure we will so I'm just going to leave it like it is...

Thursday, December 15, 2011

My husband is nuts

3 days ago Gary went to McDonalds for the hot chocolate that he gets almost every morning. They told him they couldn't sell him one but would he like a peppermint mocha instead. He said that he really just wanted his hot chocolate. WELL, then they told him they couldn't sell him one because the machine was dirty because they had forgotten to clean it the night before.
NOW, Gary is boycotting McDonalds... not just this one but ALL of them... because "the employees are idiots".
He said that a written apology would stop the boycott so now I'm off to email McDonalds...


Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Get Gone

How many times do I have to say to get away, get gone.
Flip your shit past another lasses humble dwelling.
You got your game, made your shot, and you got away
With a lot, but I'm not turned-on.
So put away that meat you're selling

Cuz I do know what's good for me
And I've done what I could for you
But you're not benefiting, and yet I'm sitting
Singing again, sing, sing again

How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
Am I gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
Shit about me

How many times can it escalate
Till it elevates to a place I can't breathe?
And I must decide, if you must deride
That I'm much obliged to up and go
I'll idealize, then realize that it's no
sacrifice, because the price is paid, and
There's nothing left to grieve

Fucking go-
Cuz I've done what I could for you, and I do know what's
Good for me and I'm not benefiting, instead
I'm sitting singing again, singing again, singing again,
Sing, sing, sing again
How can I deal with this, if he won't get with this
Am I gonna heal from this; he won't admit to it
Nothing to figure out; I gotta get him out
It's time the truth was out that he don't give a
Shit about me

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Oh look! It's not a recipe!

Where have I been?

Well cooking obviously... and actively avoiding life for various reasons.

1. Going through some shit that involved bills and finances (solved)
2. November/December is the year anniversary of some bad memories.
3. Always have a hard time around the holidaze so I've been (again) actively trying to stay out of Bi-Polar Depression mode. (so far successful)
4. The weather has been downright ridiculous around here in Phoenix so my fibro is screaming at me. This brings fatigue ... lots of fatigue.

Speaking of weather... SERIOUSLY??
It was 32 this morning when I woke up. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, I KNOW that's not cold compared to *here* or *there* but this is Phoenix. I'm acclimated to 95+ and honestly no matter where in the country I have lived (and it's been quite a few places) 32 has ALWAYS been cold to me. If you're honestly tired of listening to me complain (mostly on Facebook) that it's cold then I'll stop but I swear to God I don't want to hear a BLOODY word in the summer from you whiners.

Are you ready for Christmas? I AM... I have been since almost August. I mean I have a few things to buy still but I have KNOWN what I was doing since August. I started way early this year because it was planned rather early on for my Mom/Dad/Sister and her family to all come out here for Christmas and I wanted to spend the last 2 weeks preparing for that, not running around like a chicken shopping .. ya know?
I AM really excited though.

This month brings the end of 2011. It started off as one of the worst years of my life (the last 3 years have been contending for number 1). It's ending up to be ... ok maybe not one of the best but better off than I have been the last few so I'm not going to complain. I still have a LOT of CRAP to work through in my head but I'm getting there. :)
I've been able to see my entire family this year, including my brother whom I hadn't seen in SIX years. That was great.
I've been able to finally work on things with Gary without past behaviors looming in the dark corners just putting a damper on anything we've tried to do in the past. It's felt real, it's felt nice. I love him.

And that's all I've got to say about that! /Forrest Gump

p.s. I just saw that my template has somehow messed up and so I'll be fixing it/looking for a new one later. :)